[Amal can tell that Nox is trying to rein it in simply because he recognizes himself in the doing. He's been there... too many times.]
Somehow I feel that what you're going through is likely much worse.
[He's already bouncing back from it! Sort of... stupid curse.
Anyway.] That's fine. Void Denny's, roof? For some reason I don't want to be around any libraries. Funny, that. And we can get food if you're hungry afterward.
[Nox honestly is pacing inside his apartment, frustration and fury eating him from the inside out.]
Not really one for comparisons at the moment, but yeah, maybe.
[Nox actually lets out a dry, sharp laugh at the mentioning of libraries.] Yeah, I already had a shitty memory there, so let's not. Void Denny's rooftop it is.
[That is the sound of an apartment door opening and Nox is shutting off the call.]
[Amal will find Nox relatively easy, considering he wasted no time getting there. Maybe it's the sight of blue ephemeral wings disappearing, or how there's a constant sound of footsteps back and forth, back and forth. Either way, the sight of Nox pacing in agitation probably does not help get rid of the anger nor helps his demon stop itself from howling in fury.
It takes him a long moment, mind lost in his thoughts, to even notice how Amal arrived.]
[Amal's entrance is much quieter, and a little more whimsical. He ever so lightly lets himself onto the roof with ease of practice, his monarch wings giving him the benefit of softer footsteps and a bit of a boost. He's dressed in his usual red Near Eastern weave accented by gold and boots that one can fight in. He also has his scythe, but he's looking far less dramatic today.]
Hey, Nox.
[He doesn't even know if that's the name he went by in his past life, but it's the name Amal knows, and he's going to keep calling him that unless told otherwise.]
I'm here. And my ears are as big as ever, so if you need to scream and shout I'll gladly hear it.
[To him, at this rate, calling him Nox or even Nero would get him to respond. He's both, these days, even if it's a complicated thing to explain.
Still, the offer to listen does get him to at least try to settle a bit, even if it doesn't exactly work. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.]
...you remember, months ago, how we shot the shit after that whole scare with my temper? That whole thing of people being able to change, and their pasts being not exactly the best?
[A pause, and he forcefully exhales.]
Yeah, well. I got those memories today. Of my old childhood. [At this, he pauses, turns on his heel to look away, then back to Amal. Goes to speak, stops himself, then tries again.]
Amal– [God, how does he even say this. How does he even start to describe how fucking appalling it is to know how he was treated for a large chunk of his life?
Nox just sighs.] I thought it was bad enough that you "fell through the cracks," like you said. Didn't think it could be worse than that.
[And he snaps, not at Amal, but at the entire thing in general.]
I learned I wasn't just an orphan, back then. I was a fucking pariah.
[Considered an outcast from birth, willingly ignored or bullied. In a lot of ways, Nox has a hard time understanding how he hadn't turned entirely bitter against everything back then.]
[He lets Nox collect himself, but it's clear even before he speaks that what he learned was so unpleasant it beggars belief. Amal's expression softens. If Nox were just a little younger, he might try for a hug or something, but... well, he's the short one here, and he might get thrown off the roof even if accidentally. Best to keep his hands off for now unless it's a very light touch, like a hand on the shoulder or something...]
—They made you a pariah? As a child? Monstrous behavior, that. And what was their hollow excuse for such bigotry?
[A pariah as a child. It still hits him like a ton of bricks, thinking that an entire community of people could do that to someone who had no choice in being born.]
Yeah... so. I was born on Fortuna. Fortuna's an island. It's completely isolated from the world, and the people there are worshippers of– [A pause, and he scrubs his face, deciding against telling about his relation until later.] Sparda. Basically, a demon who rebelled against the entirety of Hell, fought for humanity, and sealed the realms so demons couldn't invade the human realm anymore. That was over 2,000 years ago. According to them, Sparda became a feudal lord who ruled over the island for a while before he disappeared, and they hoped he returns someday.
[He turns, paces, exhales, clenches his fists before continuing.]
The thing about Fortuna was that everyone there knew everyone else. Even if you lost your parents and became an orphan, people knew who your parents were. You'd still be considered a part of the community.
Except one day, a baby is found on the doorstep of the orphanage with no idea who his parents are, and he's immediately labeled as an outsider. [His voice cracks, but he holds steady.] "Black sheep," "bastard child of a prostitute," "troublemaker." [Words that ring in his head consistently and loudly, despite it not being his life and still being his life.] I'd tried everything I could to belong to them, in my past life. The other children mocked me, their parents considered me as good as dirt. I had no idea what I was back then, either– only that I had a temper and could hit people too hard for someone my age. [Broken noses, concussions, smashed collarbones– his demon was not kind to anyone who truly aggravated him.] Even when I was adopted, it didn't change anything. My adoptive family tried to keep me protected, but they could only do so much. [He stops at this, pushes air through his teeth, looks away.] So eventually I stopped trying, and just became what they said I was.
[A troublemaker if they said he caused problems. A fighter if they said he started arguments. Kyrie and Credo helped save his humanity in the battering that Fortuna's residents gave him, but it was still so hard to live a life knowing that people around you simply saw you with disgust for things completely out of your control.
At that, Nox finds himself just sitting down on the closest thing he can find, anger still alive in his bones, but also utterly exhausted.]
It wasn't until I was in my teens that respect came. As a member of their guard. It was hard even then, too. [A groan, and he leans back, fist slamming into the nearest surface at his side.] No one should've fucking gone through that, especially a kid.
[Now it's easy to understand Nox's anger. Well, easier, at least.]
[Amal listens to this with patience and a familiar ache. This story really does sound familiar. He had his fair share of horrible names lobbed at him, too-- and sometimes still did, when he was in especially backwater places. Eorzea was accepting of same sex couples but there was still so much to be done about prejudice against those born of two races... It sounded like Fortuna was a little of the same.]
There's just no pleasing people who are determined to hate you. Struggle against the labels they give you, and it doesn't do a thing. Fail them, and you're only living up to their expectations...
No child should ever deal with that. While I can't say my experience was the same, I think I understand what you went through.
[He steps forward, and only now does he reach out to clasp Nox's shoulder. But if there's any flinching he'll back off. As someone who's relatively touch-averse himself, he knows the importance of boundaries.]
There's power in giving up. Hear me out:
The moment I gave up convincing people that I was something other than their misconceptions, that was the moment I freed myself from all of it. Because... in the end, the only person you need to convince is you. If you work hard to be a better person then you'll become one. If you fight to protect people, you'll learn how to be a guardian. If you want to make the world around you a better place, it will happen.
I think you've figured that out already, though. The Nox in those old memories went through some shite, but so have you, and you're kind and considerate and completely dedicated to keeping your kids safe.
That's all you. That was the path you set for yourself. No one can take that away from you.
[Nox listens, and unlike Amal, he's fine with touch from people he knows and cares about. When his friend places his hand on his shoulder, he doesn't shove it off- instead, his eyes show that it means a lot, even if he can't put it into words.]
...yeah, I think I did, in the end. Ended up learning to ignore everything and just live my own life. Went on and made an orphanage with- [Nox actually frowns at this, frustrated.] Kyrie. [The name both sounds unfamiliar and so familiar his heart aches. He feels if he's not careful, it might destroy him.] She was part of the adoptive family I got brought into. By then we were- [It's not a sheepish look, but it sure is a look and a handshaking of a "you know what I'm implying, right?" God, he wishes he had any memories of her. This empty space in his heart is killing him.] We learned to make the lives of other orphans better, is what I'm saying. That, and adding in the devil hunting business, I think I kinda got used to doing things how I wanted to, without anyone else driving me towards a stereotype.
[His own person, and a protector of the entire human realm. Nox relents, if only to give something of a softer smile.]
Yeah, yeah I know. How I grew up here was by my choice, even if my situation was a million times better. I still think- I still think I'd choose to protect people all over again, if someone asked.
[He huffs, amused.]
And it was Nero, by the way. [A beat, and he gestures.] My old name. For the blanket they found me in.
Ah. [So there was a girl. Amal smiles a knowing smile, but he doesn't tease beyond that. He's glad that at least in that horrible other world, Nox was able to find some happiness.] An orphanage. That's a worthy thing... I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it myself, but I'm too young to retire just yet, [he says with a wink.] Still, I'm glad you were able to carve out a place for yourself and live the way you want. Freedom is... it's the most important thing for us to grow and learn.
[Of course Nox would choose to protect people all over again. Amal would, too.]
Nero, huh...
[He tilts his head, as if rolling the name around in his mouth. Then he wrinkles his nose.]
I'll keep calling you Nox, if you don't mind. You're more than just Nero—you're the guy who grew up here, too. You're a guard, a man who started an orphanage, a damn good fighter, and also a badass teacher on top of all that!
[A beat.]
Also, the Nero I know is kind of... [He grimaces.] Obnoxious. To put it simply.
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voice;
Somehow I feel that what you're going through is likely much worse.
[He's already bouncing back from it! Sort of... stupid curse.
Anyway.] That's fine. Void Denny's, roof? For some reason I don't want to be around any libraries. Funny, that. And we can get food if you're hungry afterward.
1/2 voice;
Not really one for comparisons at the moment, but yeah, maybe.
[Nox actually lets out a dry, sharp laugh at the mentioning of libraries.] Yeah, I already had a shitty memory there, so let's not. Void Denny's rooftop it is.
[That is the sound of an apartment door opening and Nox is shutting off the call.]
-> action
It takes him a long moment, mind lost in his thoughts, to even notice how Amal arrived.]
...hey.
[Yeah. That's all he's got.]
no subject
Hey, Nox.
[He doesn't even know if that's the name he went by in his past life, but it's the name Amal knows, and he's going to keep calling him that unless told otherwise.]
I'm here. And my ears are as big as ever, so if you need to scream and shout I'll gladly hear it.
no subject
Still, the offer to listen does get him to at least try to settle a bit, even if it doesn't exactly work. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.]
...you remember, months ago, how we shot the shit after that whole scare with my temper? That whole thing of people being able to change, and their pasts being not exactly the best?
[A pause, and he forcefully exhales.]
Yeah, well. I got those memories today. Of my old childhood. [At this, he pauses, turns on his heel to look away, then back to Amal. Goes to speak, stops himself, then tries again.]
Amal– [God, how does he even say this. How does he even start to describe how fucking appalling it is to know how he was treated for a large chunk of his life?
Nox just sighs.] I thought it was bad enough that you "fell through the cracks," like you said. Didn't think it could be worse than that.
[And he snaps, not at Amal, but at the entire thing in general.]
I learned I wasn't just an orphan, back then. I was a fucking pariah.
[Considered an outcast from birth, willingly ignored or bullied. In a lot of ways, Nox has a hard time understanding how he hadn't turned entirely bitter against everything back then.]
no subject
[He lets Nox collect himself, but it's clear even before he speaks that what he learned was so unpleasant it beggars belief. Amal's expression softens. If Nox were just a little younger, he might try for a hug or something, but... well, he's the short one here, and he might get thrown off the roof even if accidentally. Best to keep his hands off for now unless it's a very light touch, like a hand on the shoulder or something...]
—They made you a pariah? As a child? Monstrous behavior, that. And what was their hollow excuse for such bigotry?
no subject
Yeah... so. I was born on Fortuna. Fortuna's an island. It's completely isolated from the world, and the people there are worshippers of– [A pause, and he scrubs his face, deciding against telling about his relation until later.] Sparda. Basically, a demon who rebelled against the entirety of Hell, fought for humanity, and sealed the realms so demons couldn't invade the human realm anymore. That was over 2,000 years ago. According to them, Sparda became a feudal lord who ruled over the island for a while before he disappeared, and they hoped he returns someday.
[He turns, paces, exhales, clenches his fists before continuing.]
The thing about Fortuna was that everyone there knew everyone else. Even if you lost your parents and became an orphan, people knew who your parents were. You'd still be considered a part of the community.
Except one day, a baby is found on the doorstep of the orphanage with no idea who his parents are, and he's immediately labeled as an outsider. [His voice cracks, but he holds steady.] "Black sheep," "bastard child of a prostitute," "troublemaker." [Words that ring in his head consistently and loudly, despite it not being his life and still being his life.] I'd tried everything I could to belong to them, in my past life. The other children mocked me, their parents considered me as good as dirt. I had no idea what I was back then, either– only that I had a temper and could hit people too hard for someone my age. [Broken noses, concussions, smashed collarbones– his demon was not kind to anyone who truly aggravated him.] Even when I was adopted, it didn't change anything. My adoptive family tried to keep me protected, but they could only do so much. [He stops at this, pushes air through his teeth, looks away.] So eventually I stopped trying, and just became what they said I was.
[A troublemaker if they said he caused problems. A fighter if they said he started arguments. Kyrie and Credo helped save his humanity in the battering that Fortuna's residents gave him, but it was still so hard to live a life knowing that people around you simply saw you with disgust for things completely out of your control.
At that, Nox finds himself just sitting down on the closest thing he can find, anger still alive in his bones, but also utterly exhausted.]
It wasn't until I was in my teens that respect came. As a member of their guard. It was hard even then, too. [A groan, and he leans back, fist slamming into the nearest surface at his side.] No one should've fucking gone through that, especially a kid.
[Now it's easy to understand Nox's anger. Well, easier, at least.]
no subject
There's just no pleasing people who are determined to hate you. Struggle against the labels they give you, and it doesn't do a thing. Fail them, and you're only living up to their expectations...
No child should ever deal with that. While I can't say my experience was the same, I think I understand what you went through.
[He steps forward, and only now does he reach out to clasp Nox's shoulder. But if there's any flinching he'll back off. As someone who's relatively touch-averse himself, he knows the importance of boundaries.]
There's power in giving up. Hear me out:
The moment I gave up convincing people that I was something other than their misconceptions, that was the moment I freed myself from all of it. Because... in the end, the only person you need to convince is you. If you work hard to be a better person then you'll become one. If you fight to protect people, you'll learn how to be a guardian. If you want to make the world around you a better place, it will happen.
I think you've figured that out already, though. The Nox in those old memories went through some shite, but so have you, and you're kind and considerate and completely dedicated to keeping your kids safe.
That's all you. That was the path you set for yourself. No one can take that away from you.
no subject
...yeah, I think I did, in the end. Ended up learning to ignore everything and just live my own life. Went on and made an orphanage with- [Nox actually frowns at this, frustrated.] Kyrie. [The name both sounds unfamiliar and so familiar his heart aches. He feels if he's not careful, it might destroy him.] She was part of the adoptive family I got brought into. By then we were- [It's not a sheepish look, but it sure is a look and a handshaking of a "you know what I'm implying, right?" God, he wishes he had any memories of her. This empty space in his heart is killing him.] We learned to make the lives of other orphans better, is what I'm saying. That, and adding in the devil hunting business, I think I kinda got used to doing things how I wanted to, without anyone else driving me towards a stereotype.
[His own person, and a protector of the entire human realm. Nox relents, if only to give something of a softer smile.]
Yeah, yeah I know. How I grew up here was by my choice, even if my situation was a million times better. I still think- I still think I'd choose to protect people all over again, if someone asked.
[He huffs, amused.]
And it was Nero, by the way. [A beat, and he gestures.] My old name. For the blanket they found me in.
no subject
[Of course Nox would choose to protect people all over again. Amal would, too.]
Nero, huh...
[He tilts his head, as if rolling the name around in his mouth. Then he wrinkles his nose.]
I'll keep calling you Nox, if you don't mind. You're more than just Nero—you're the guy who grew up here, too. You're a guard, a man who started an orphanage, a damn good fighter, and also a badass teacher on top of all that!
[A beat.]
Also, the Nero I know is kind of... [He grimaces.] Obnoxious. To put it simply.